Monday, September 22, 2008
Nowadays an eerie inquisitiveness has crept inside me. Should I study at all? How will this subject help me in future? Am i going to gain anything from this shit? These are small questions that arise in everybody's mind and normally are considered as foolish trivial thoughts.
But they are not so on the eve of the exam at 2 in the morning. During this time they become one of the deciding factors of the fate of my performance. Sometimes my answer is "No , not of any use" I switch on my monitor and ..............Results : Av- by a huge amount.
Sometimes though the answer is "Yes they are of use and i should do ____ proud by studying this subject...blah blah". I go back to studying.......night-out......results Av- but by a small amount.
Now I am in a state that no incentive whatsoever remains for me to open my book and mindlessly gobble information. The learning mechanism has rusted( thanks to 2nd year ) and hopes for a bright future has in turn given way to "Abe jo hoga dekha jaayega".
I am seriously confused how far will this attitude take me but for some reason or so i cannot remove it from my system.